A few days ago I bought English breakfast muffins (much like hole-less bagels if you’re wondering).
This morning, after instructing CJ to stay in bed when he woke up, I grilled three muffins and spread them with real butter and honey, golden syrup, jam, and crunchy peanut butter.
I took them downstairs and we ate them. In bed (hence the title).
It was a brilliant way to start the day, and I highly recommend you play along at home.
Weight loss: Success! This morning I weighed 77.9 kilos (my aim was 78). That was HARD. I plan to weigh 76.5 by 9 July (four weeks from now).
Fish: I’m still working out how to do this fish thing. My tank water has been yellow for some time, so I’m changing the water more frequently, adding more water to the tank (one cause is overcrowding – my fault) and I removed one of the plants (another cause of yellow water is rotting plant matter – probably the main cause). I think it made Gandalf sick, though, so I’ll be buying him medicine today.
And here’s “THE VAMPIRE DIARIES” so far:
Woke up totally gross. Had a shower then realised I’m, like, a vampire now. My friend Sammy’s gonna be SO jealous!
Spent all day looking for a mirror that works. This sucks! Also I feel super hungry, and I get the feeling celery won’t fix this craving.
Killed a guy. He was, like, totally delicious!
Killed an old lady. Yuck, now my breath smells of mothballs.
Called Sammy. Said I’m totally a vampire.
She giggled, “You mean a vamp, right?”
“No! Well. . . that too.”
Sammy brought her new boyfriend over. SERIOUSLY yum. I know it seems rude to eat him, but I’m, like, evil now. He was finger-licking good.
Sammy had a totally unfair tantrum over me eating Bill. “I’m going to tell on you!” she said.
I said, “Who to? I’d sure love to eat a cop.”
Went outside. Got serious sunburn – like, with charring. I’m so buying spray tans from now on.
Sammy left a message on my machine. “My new friend Bunny’s totally going to get you. AND I have a new boyfriend, anyway. So there.”
Too embarrassed to go out with my skin looking so bad. Put off eating Sammy’s hot new treat until tomorrow.
Misty day. Went to Sammy’s house. The boyfriend was there, and BIG. They fought me off with frypans and a cricket bat. Stupid humans!
Hungry. Soooooo hungry. Almost as bad as doing the Atkins diet all over again. Stupid sun is out!
Ate Rover. Feel sick to my stomach, but I think that’s indigestion. Bad dog.
Short blonde at the door. My stomach rumbled. “Won’t you come in?” She smiled sweetly, and showed me what she had. A pointy stick.
I asked, “What’s that for? Making a tiny fence?”
She smiled, “I’m Bunny. I hear you don’t like sunshine.”
“But I do like visitors.”
I leapt for her throat. She slapped me aside, laughing. I grabbed for her pointy stick and she drove it into my belly. Ow! I ran.
Great. Now I’m stuck in a sewer hiding from someone called Bunny. I’m totally hungry, and my top is RUINED.
So hungry for so long, and no weight loss. That’s IT. I’m going to kill Bunny. And Sammy. And her big cricketer boyfriend.
I creep to Sammy’s house and Bunny is there. They’re sharpening weapons and laughing. I feel scared. Luckily, Sammy has a dog. Had.
I realise now that hiding in Sammy’s treehouse wasn’t a good idea. Sammy and whatsisface are climbing the ladder – and the sun’s out.
I kick the boy in the face and he flies backwards. Sammy screams, but no one hears. He doesn’t get up. I drag Sammy inside by the hair.
Sammy punches me right where Bunny stabbed me – and it doesn’t hurt a bit. I knock her out against the trunk and drink deeply. She’s spicy.