This was a suggestion by a linguistically-inclined reader. After spending some time working on making new symbols, rediscovering phonetics, and so on, I decided to throw away the darn thing.
My new choice of language is an unwritten one. I’ve called it, “Girl Talk” and I think you’ll find it’s super useful in everyday life. Instead of sign language, it’s a language that relies entirely on subtle facial cues.
Here are just a few useful phrases:
1. Is today Monday or Tuesday? I hope it’s Tuesday. Oh, please be Tuesday.
2. I’m going to eat your braaaaaiiiiinnnnsssss!
3. Touch me, and I’ll punch you in the nose.
4. Ask me if it’s my “special time of the month” and I’ll punch you in the nose.
5. Chocolate? For me? Aww.
6. Take away my chocolate, and I’ll punch you in the nose.
7. Give me more chocolate, or I’ll punch you in the nose.
8. You’re looking at me. Is that because I look fat??? Wait. . . do I have a duck on my head??? I hate that.
9. Cower in fear, puny man-minions, for this planet will not be yours for long.
And here’s a simple translation of man speak, for comparison purposes:
1. I have a hat.
2. And a beard!
3. Ooh look! A shiny thing!
Play along at home: When in doubt, buy someone chocolate. Or a hat. Keep in mind that some will interpret it as an insult (“does this mean you think I’m fat???”) and punch you in the nose. C’est la vie.
And here’s today’s “Peace Hostage” companion picture, from flickr.com: