S#3: Send cards

Steffmetal.com recommended sending cards to all your friends telling them how much you love them – or, failing that, how much they smell.

After carefully choosing six friends, I sent the following on extremely cute kitten cards (you’ll notice a steampunk theme, excluding the last one):

Your mental clockwork wouldn’t work even if Isambard Kingdom Brunel himself came to fix it.

The perishable matter within your skull lacks proper refrigeration.

The synapses of your brain represent London’s sewerage system in 1858.

Your upstairs candles have long since drizzled away into puddles of rapidly congealing wax.

My difference machine has calculated that your intelligence quotient is an imaginary number.

Your mental icecream has a few too many pistachios.

Isn’t it nice to get something in the mail?

I bet there are plenty of you with far more original insults (steampunk, piratical,ย or otherwise). Please share them in the comments.

Published by Felicity Banks

I write books (mainly adventure fantasy for kids and young adults), real-time twittertales, and a blog of Daily Awesomeness. @Louise_Curtis_ and http://twittertales.wordpress.com. My fantasy ebook is on sale at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/278981.

6 thoughts on “S#3: Send cards

  1. I have ammended my post to remedy the lack of attention paid to the guest of honour…….. Thank you for pointing that out ๐Ÿ™‚

      1. I know – but to do the little man justice – he’s a lovely kid and deserves better from his aunt ๐Ÿ˜€

      2. Ann: I’m sure he’s deeply upset that you didn’t talk about HIS bad behaviour as much as the others. (Still, point taken. He is a lovely little man.)

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