Avocados are a temperamental and capricious fruit.*
Today I opened one, and it was perfect. That happens rarely, my friends, if ever.
In other news, moments ago I found myself pulling up at traffic lights with music on (always) and all my windows down (it was hot). Next to me I heard the unmistakable guffawing of a Group Of Youths – specifically, Young Men. Their car was brimful of testosterone and a bass beat some would describe as “pumpin”. I turned my own music off (theirs was better) and carefully pretended that I hadn’t noticed them. When the lights went green, I raced away with a squeal of brakes and quickly outpaced them!** It was terribly exciting. Thanks to a pair of overlarge sunglasses, to the car door hiding my iconic ankle-length skirt, and to a recent change of hairstyle, there’s no possible way for outsiders to recognise my deviant self.***
The fuzz will never find me, and the Youths will never catch me.
And. . . here’s more Johnny Depp.****
*or are they a vegetable?
**having failed to notice they, unlike me, were turning right.
***except by looking at my car.
****who is not quite as manly as I am right now.