Not all family bonding has to happen on December 25th. In fact there’s a vital ritual that millions of families partake of every year.
This year in my family, it all went horribly wrong.
Well, to be fair, horribly wrong would involve one or all of the following scenarios:
1. Buying a live tree that happened to be termite infested, and led to the total destruction of your uninsured home.
2. Buying a live tree infested with some kind of wild animal, preferably the kind that’s either extremely violent when cornered, infested with a transferrable disease, or both.
3. Having a fault in the Christmas lights cause a massive explosion, disfiguring burns, and several fires throughout the home and neighbourhood.
4. Accidentally strangling a dog/cat/small child with badly hung tinsel at just the wrong moment.
5. Slipping on a globe, hitting one’s head on a coffee table, and dying instantly.
6. Same as above, but with quadriplegia.
So all in all, my family day went swimmingly. It would probably have been better if a child – any child – was involved, or if the tree was designed to accept ornaments in any way, or if my Mum didn’t have over a hundred separate ornaments. But we did the job, and now it’s done.
My brother, wisely, didn’t show.
My nephew arrived hours later than expected – hence, no children.
My sister, brother-in-law, and niece are in Perth.
Amusingly, CJ and I then went to dinner at a friend’s house. Guess what we did that night?
Yep. We decorated their tree.
On the up side, they have three children, and about ten ornaments in total, so the horror was (a) not so horrible, and (b) took about ninety seconds.
Until next year, then. . .
PS sorry Mum. I might hate your tree, but I still like you.