#238: Carols by Candlelight

There’s a lot about Christmas I don’t like, but I do like the eerie mass choir of carols by candlelight. Conveniently, my church (Woden Valley Alliance Church) runs a massive community event for Christmas each year, and it happened today. I’m mentioning the church by name because it’s a seriously well-run and worthwhile event, including a jumping castle*, free BBQ, and face-painting (which I’ll blog about shortly – and a very decent Santa visit, too). This is a church that does family events very well all year round. 

Wow. There were a LOT of kids. It was a little like stepping inside “The Vicar of Dibley” in the bizarre over-the-top kitchness of it all. Except much, much more so. Three children, for example, came dressed as angels – including a blonde set of twins. If I didn’t want to procreate before, I would now.

There was a lot of outside fun and food before the carols started, and then everyone gathered inside the church hall and got free child-safe candles (they have a switch on the bottom, and last for months).

But the carols didn’t start. Oh no. Because this is still a church.

The children of the church gathered at the front and sang three of the most blatantly evangelistic songs I’ve ever heard. The first might just have been entitled, “Five Easy Steps to Becoming a Christian”, the second could have been, “Life is Good Because I Pledge Myself to You, Jesus” and the third could have been, “Every single random and/or pagan item vaguely associated with Christmas is actually a handy way to tell my friends about Jesus”.

They were all terrible songs (I can already feel myself repressing the memory), charmingly (but poorly) sung**, but the third one had me in hysterics. It specifically mentioned fairy lights (which are apparently a representation of the star that led the Wise Men to Jesus), and candy canes (red represents redemption through Jesus’ blood, and white represents the joy of forgiveness)***. That song also specifically stated that all one has to do to convert one’s friends is give them a candy cane.

Which begs the question, then why are you subjecting all these people to such freakishly poorly-written songs?

Aaaannnyyyway. . .

(Honestly bids me to admit that my mum told me as a child that candy canes represent the shepherds’ crooks of the shepherds that saw the angels announcing Jesus’ birth, and I always found that completely plausible.)

The carols were fine, although a teensy bit lacking in eeriness since (a) it was still light outside, and (b) I spend the whole time delightedly chasing two little girls whose parents were busy running things.

Coming soon: How Santa should be. Face Painting. Modern art. And more.

*which they wouldn’t let me on. Waaagh!

**but only if you think “Sing louder!” is lacking in finesse of some kind – they are kids, after all.

***presumably the candy canes with an additional green stripe represent EEEEEVVVVVVVIIIIIILLLLL and are not consumed by good children.

Published by Felicity Banks Books

I write books (mainly adventure fantasy for kids and young adults), real-time twittertales, and a blog of Daily Awesomeness. @Louise_Curtis_ and http://twittertales.wordpress.com. My fantasy ebook is on sale at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/278981.

8 thoughts on “#238: Carols by Candlelight

  1. I bet I can guess which children you were chasing……

    I spent my evening watching the Schools Spectacular, it also had it’s moments. You get so used to them being so talented and perfectly rehearsed that the odd missed queue or off key note are quite shocking (whereas I suspect that is the norm at carols!!).

    1. Ann: Right on all counts. They start with the assumption “everything kids do is cute” and it all depends what mood the audience is in.

  2. *On Left Shoulder*

    …Go on! You know you want one of those tasty, tasty green stripes!…

  3. Ah yes. Tilda Swinton the David Bowie clone!

    The advantage of your carols – no Hi-5. I think that makes it worth it.

    1. W: Excellent point re: Hi-5, W. I did enjoy the carols, even if it was mostly because my satirical spidey sense was through the roof.

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