This is a hilarious (and sometimes disturbing) site about the bizarre and funny things customers say and do. I think it’s PG, but I haven’t read enough to be certain.
Here’s three fine examples:
Medical Training These Days Is Shocking
Me: “Hello this is [name] from [college] returning your call. What can I do for you?”
Student: “Hi, I was calling to find out–”
<(A very loud noise erupts in the background. Yelling, laughing, and a strange buzzing sound ensues.)
Student: *sounding embarrassed* “Sorry about that. I work at a hospital and it’s really quiet today. Everyone’s playing Operation (the game).”
Me: *laughing* “Ma’am, you just made my day.”
Eating Steak On Rare Occasions
Customer: “I would like the 12 oz. New York Strip.”
Me: “Excellent, sir. How would you like that prepared? There is a description of all of our options on your menu.”
Customer: “Rare! And I mean extra rare! I want the cow to still be mooing on my plate!”
Me: “Alright, sir. We can do that for you. Would you–”
Customer: “I need you to write extra rare! I want it dripping blood. That is how a real man eats steak! That burnt stuff isn’t for real men! Extra rare!”
(This continues for a few minutes, until I assure the customer that I will speak to the manager in order to be sure that his steak is extra rare. I put in an order for a ‘Black and Blue’. This steak is more rare than the usual; the inside is cool and the outside seared. As promised, I tell the manager about the customer’s specific request. After I serve the food, I get flagged down by the customer.)
Customer: “What is this? This is cold! How long has it been sitting there?”
Me: “Sir, I assure you I brought your dishes out as soon as they were finished.”
Customer: “Then what is wrong with your cooks? They don’t bother cooking my food? Why is it cold?”
Me: ”Sir, you ordered your steak to be extra rare. As it explains on the menu, this means that the internal temperature of the steak will be cool.”
Customer: “What is wrong with you people? Who wants a cold steak? I never said I wanted a cold steak! I saw extra rare! That means the middle part is pink and hot! Who can eat this raw cold
stuff!”
Me: ”I apologize for the misunderstanding, sir. I can alert the management and have them make another steak for you.”
Customer: “No! I am not eating anywhere that sells food raw! This is disgusting. You people should be reported! Come on honey, let’s go to that sushi place next door!”
As Helpless As A Baby
Me: “Welcome to *** Airlines. How can I help today?”
Caller: “I need to book a ticket for my husband for May 3rd, from Tampa to Grand Rapids, Michigan.”
Me: “Thanks. Would he prefer morning, afternoon, or evening flights?”
Caller: “What does that mean?”
Me: “The morning flight leaves in the morning, at 6:45 am. The afternoon flight leaves at 1:20 pm in the afternoon. The evening flight leaves at 6:25 pm.”
Caller: “Can he get there in time?”
Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. That depends on where he’s leaving from, and how far he has to drive to the airport.”
Caller: “Oh. And those are all on May 3rd?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am.”
Caller: “My doctor’s inducing my labor on May 2nd. Will he get here in time?”
Me: “I really don’t know how long your labor will last, ma’am. That’s something you should probably consult your doctor about.”
Caller: “But is May 2nd the same day?”
Me: *baffled* “The same day as…?”
Caller: “The same day as May 3rd!”
Me: “No, ma’am. May 3rd is the day after May 2nd.”
Caller: “But what if it’s 5 in the morning?”
Me: “It’s either 5 in the morning on May 2nd, or 5 in the morning on May 3rd.”
Caller: “But is it the same day?”
Me: “Maybe you should have your husband call to book his own flight, because he’ll know how long it takes to get to the airport.”
Caller: “That’s a good idea. Should he book it for May 2nd or May 3rd?”
Me: “You should probably ask your doctor first.”
Caller: “I guess. You people make it so complicated to buy a ticket!”
Heh. Saw this and couldn’t resist:
A-moooo-sing Customers
(I am on a school trip to a mall to help with pet adoption forms. A customer comes up.)
Customer: “Gimme a f***ing dog!”
Me: “Would you like an adoption form?”
Customer: “I don’t care. I just want a dog! There’s one over there! Gimme it!”
(I look to where he is pointing. A lady is walking a dog.)
Me: “I’m sorry, but that dog doesn’t belong to us.”
Customer: “It’s because I’m [ethnicity that he clearly is not], isn’t it? ”
(At this point, I realize that he is high.)
Me: “Oh, that one is ours. Unfortunately, it is an evil space cow.”
Customer: “Holy s***!” *runs off*