Last Tuesday I saw a dentist and a gynocologist. Woo. This Tuesday I’m having a colonoscopy. Double woo. The worst (and yet most interesting – other than, apparently, the VIDEO that they make of one’s intestines) part is the preparation. Today my food groups were as follows:
Bread and cereals: White rice or white bread only.
Meat and meat substitutes: White fish. Egg.
Milk and dairy: Low fat plain yogurt. Cottage cheese.
Fruit and vegetables: Well-cooked peeled pumpkin or potato.
Fats, oils, sugars: Boiled lollies – but only yellow or orange. Virtually any kind of yellow or orange drink including soft drinks (but no milk).
And, most alarmingly, no chocolate. Also they don’t tell me when I can eat until after the procedure….I suspect that it depends on what they see traipsing about my innards. Fingers crossed they say, “Hey, you’re fine. Go eat whatever. Chocolate? Sure! As much as you like! Have a nice day!”
On Monday I’m on liquid only (although I can also have yellow or orange jelly – I made jelly today for the first time ever).
The thing that fascinates me is the colour coding – strictly yellow or orange. I like to think that my colon will be dated like the rings of a tree – yellow or orange means it’s been there 48 hours, and anything else is older. Makes me want to colour some corn kernels fluorescent purple and swallow a whole bunch of them whole, just to mess with the doctor. But then they might make me go a third day sans chocolate, and that would not be worth it.
See you on the other side.