Companion to Day Eight: Seasickness

About 60% of new sailors get seasick (more women than men). It usually lasts only two or three days, and then you’re fine (unless the weather changes significantly and rapidly – which, at sea, it does). Captain Sol, Ulandin and Oldy are just lucky they don’t get sick.

It’s horrible. If you go below decks, it usually gets worse (plus you’re farther from the railing, which is where your spew is. . . disposed of). But if you’re on deck, all you can see in any direction is the sea. . . the lurching, heaving, tossing sea, which is making you sicker with every swell. It’s a little like realising the seafood is off, but being unable to stop shovelling it in your mouth.

When you throw up, though, it feels fantastic (unless you’ve been doing it a bit, in which case it feels. . . less good). One of my proudest moments at sea was on a rainy day at the beginning of our voyage.

I hadn’t thrown up for about twelve hours, and I was feeling pretty good. The square sails needed to be taken in, so I and my team leader climbed the mast to the very top and began fiddling with ropes. We had to go slow, because we were waiting for another newbie, who was taking her time. I grew sicker and sicker as she hesitated, made conversation, and whined about the cold wind.

The newbie piked completely when it began to rain. She went away. I and the staff guy stayed aloft, clinging on to the slippery sails and tugging on stiff ropes as the wind blew the whole ship from side to side.

I felt very very cold, then very hot, then very very cold. Also wet. The ropes burned my hands. The sails (hard as plywood) burned my hands. The thread on the sails (like wire) scraped my skin.

And I knew I was going to vomit.

With seconds left, I called out, “Watch under!” and let fly. My vomit spread across my sail and the yardarm directly below me – but the wind is so intense at the top of the mast that the rest blew away.

Then I finished tying up the sail, and THEN I climbed down.

PS For several days, all I ate was crackers. I hate crackers, but the dry saltiness was the most wonderful food to me during that time.

Companion to Day Seven: Sleep

You can’t just park a ship. You can anchor it, but you still need at least one or two people keeping watch (apart from anything else, an anchor chain is long and can get twisted if the ship is getting turned around and around for hours. A ship never sleeps. If someone’s always awake on a ship, that means someone’s always asleep.

Captain Sol likes working at night, especially alone, so today Ulandin and Oldy are keeping watch (even though they’re not quickeners and can’t do anything except wake Sol if something happens).

When I sailed on the Young Endeavour, we wore harnesses whenever we climbed the rigging and almost all the time we were on deck. These were like abseiling harnesses, with big metal eyes and tight bindings.

On one occasion, after finishing my shift, I was so exhausted that I fell asleep face down on the deck – while still wearing the harness (one part of which left me with a bruise). I also grew used to sleeping in all my clothes, including my harness, wet weather gear (like a giant stiff tracksuit) and my shoes and socks.

But it wasn’t so bad. After all, worse things happen at sea. . .

Companion to Day Six: Magic

Hello to all the kids I met today, who invented wonderful stories for me

– the handsome prince with bed-wetting issues

– the flying dog with a taste for leg of schoolboy, and

– the horrifying – but delicious – sludge monster, Jim.


The tropical world of the story is called Rahana. Rahana is populated by humans, and many are born with magical ability – roughly one-third of the population.

The three types of magic are:

Quickensmith/Quickener (like Captain Sol): Can move any kind of object – including humans (very crudely, eg she can make part of their body cave in, or send a person flying across the room as if they’ve been punched super hard).

Healsmith/Healer (like Oldy – not that it’s been mentioned yet): Can heal people (although a poor healer sometimes makes things worse).

Feelsmith/Feeler (doesn’t come up in this story): Can read or transmit emotion.

All three magic skills require physical touch – but the lightest brush of a hand is enough.

There are a few other (extremely rare) types of magic on Rahana, but they are not well understood.

In Captain Sol’s time, using quickening to make a ship sail is considered extremely bad luck.

One thing sailors and writers have in common is that sheer luck has a huge influence on our lives. That makes both groups either neurotic, superstitious, or both. But writers’ bad luck only makes them poor. Sailors’ bad luck gets them horribly killed. There’s a REASON people say worse things happen at sea.

Any day now, Harper Collins will respond to my young adult book, “Stormhunter”. I know it’s good enough (partly because they themselves have told me so). I just need a little luck.

Guess I’d better conduct my entire work day on one leg, in case THAT helps.


Incidentally, here’s the YouTube video of the “Worse Things Happen at Sea” launch (a flashmob):

Companion to Day Five: Interview with Captain Sol

Before I begin, hello to Leo, Nathan, Michael and Nikki!

Like the other interviews, this is conducted by Louise Curtis and plays in real-time (so Louise Curtis magically dropped in on the island pictured at the top of this blog, and ran into a hungry – but rich – Captain Sol).


I found Sol wandering the twisty streets with a hungry look in her eye and a full look to her pockets. Her hair was slicked back with tar even on land, and the stench was overpowering. She was painfully thin, and wore a permanent mocking smile. The man behind her never took his eyes off her.

She saw me looking, and motioned her companion away with an economical swipe of her arm.

Sol: I didn’t steal nothing from you.

Louise: I didn’t say you did.

Sol: Stop looking at me funny then.

Louise: I — sorry Sol.

Sol: Captain Sol.

Louise: Er. Yes of course – captain. So. . . would you mind telling me a little bit about yourself – where you grew up, perhaps?

Sol: Run away.

Louise: Pardon?

Sol: Run.

Louise: Please don’t look at me like that. I — never mind!

*Louise flees*

*Sol smirks, gestures for Ulandin to follow, and continues on her way*

Louise dressed as Sol (except Sol would use real tar and real blood, and has dark skin)
Louise dressed as Sol (except Sol would use real tar and real blood, and has dark skin)

Companion to Day Three: Food

Hello to Dorian, Scott and Hayley who I met today (along with the rest of their classes)!

Like Ulandin (the person telling the story of, “Worse Things Happen at Sea”, I love food. Here’s a recipe for soto (Javanese chicken soup) which I invented after eating it at Jakarta airport.


1 Onion

Asian spices

A clove of garlic

Half a kilo of chicken in small pieces (no bones)

Sweet soy sauce (kecap manis)

Lime juice

One can coconut milk

Four boiled eggs

Prawn crisps

Two fresh tomatoes, sliced into about eight pieces each.

Cooked rice to serve four people


Fry the onion, garlic and spices, then add and lightly fry the chicken. Add the coconut milk, plus as much sweet soy sauce and lime juice as tastes good to you (perhaps two tablespoons each). Simmer until it’s cooked, then add the tomato at the last moment.

Serve with rice, quartered boiled eggs, prawn crisps and quartered limes – with extra sweet soy sauce if anyone wants it.

Serves four.



Frequently Asked Questions

What do you mean by ‘real time’?

I mean that if the pirates attack at dawn, the tweet is sent at dawn. If nothing is happening (eg the pirates are asleep), there are no tweets until they wake up/do something interesting. It also means that some tweets will happen at odd hours of the night.

But. . . the time is wrong. Why?

The time zone is set to Jakarta – including sunrise, sunset, and weather. I live in Canberra (which is Jakarta plus three hours – making “dawn” 9:00am), but the setting of the story is a tropical island world much like Indonesia, where people are dark-skinned with black hair, and there’s no Winter (because it’s MY fantasy world). So it makes sense to make the real-world connection in Indonesia.

Who is the narrator?

The narrator’s name is Ulandin. He is a teenage ex-slave. His interview is here in this blog.

So he’s a guy then?


Can I get the story on my phone?

Australian twitter doesn’t allow you to receive SMSes. But if you email your mobile number to me at fellissimo[at], with the subject, “Phone Tweets”, then I will send them to your phone at the same time I release them on twitter. I can also send them to you in real-time via email if you email me with the subject, “Email Tweets”.

Why do you have two names?

It’s a crude ratings system – if a story is written by Louise Curtis, it’s PG or G. If it’s written by Felicity Bloomfield, it probably isn’t. Felicity Bloomfield is my main online personality, and my blog (mainly about the writing process and being mentally ill) is at This blog is all about the story.

How are you getting paid for this story?

I’m not. The whole idea is to get better-known as an author.

Have you been published?

I’ve sold about thirty short stories around the world (including some online), and sold one book (which I’m fairly sure was never produced). I am working on a number of books at the moment, most of which involve pirates.

What is it with you and pirates?

I wrote pirates into my young adult book “Stormhunter” and then realised I knew nothing about sailing. So I decided to “research” tall ships by travelling on the Young Endeavour sail training vessel. I’ve written an entire children’s trilogy since then, all with pirates in.

What’s the deal with the flashmob?

Because it’s a twitter “novel” (of about 3000 words) I had a book launch – of sorts. Instead of speeches and wine, we gathered at some local shops, then for half an hour whipped off our normal-person disguises and looked like pirates. You can see 1.30minutes of highlights by watching “Pirate Flashmob Canberra” on

*Add your questions in comments, and if I think they’re common enough I’ll edit them into the main post.

Companion to Day 2: Tricksy Pirates

If you’re wondering what the island looks like – look up. I based it off the island in the home page photo (although Sol and Ulandin’s perspective is rather different).

On to today’s topic.

Pirates were infamous for using their wits and sheer bravado as much as their cutlasses at times.

In 1719, Captain Rackham’s pirate ship was trapped by two more respectable vessels. He managed to last the day by sheltering behind an island, but the two respectable ships places themselves overnight in such a way that he couldn’t sail either forward or back. All the pirates could do was wait until dawn to be slaughtered.

What’s a pirate to do?

They left their ship empty and managed to take over one ship (the best of the three!) by climbing aboard in absolute silence, and taking over the whole thing without a single scream for help or alarm rung.

Then they quietly sailed it away.

The next day, the remaining good guys set the pirate’s ship on fire. Too bad it was empty – and their companions captured along with their VERY pretty boat.

Pirates win!

(This story is taken from the book, “A General History of the Robberies and Murders of the Most Notorious Pirates” by Captain Johnson – an obvious pseudonym – first released in 1724)

Flashmob: Report

I’ve just returned victorious from the bizarro launch of the twitter tale – a pirate flashmob at Lyneham local shops in Canberra.

I’ll upload some videos (much edited) tomorrow.

We had quite a number of midget pirates, and one girl who insisted on coming as a dragon. A cutlass-wielding dragon.

Picking on someone her own size
Picking on someone her own size

Our attempts at looking normal were going well until this girl and her mum showed up, when we gave up the game and turned pirate ten minutes early.

At least two video cameras were filming, and one was deliberately skulking about 100 metres away. My father-in-law spotted them (a three-person crew) and the most logical explanation (unless those fiendish ninjas had HEAVILY described their nunchucks) was that it was WIN television.

The crowd was about fifty people, as I’d hoped, with about three groups of people I didn’t know – so yay for advertising.

We had lollies left over 🙂

These are DINOSAUR pirates (yes, that's what they're doing. No, I don't know why).
These are DINOSAUR pirates (yes, that's what they're doing. No, I don't know why).

Pirates Required

Amazingly*, the flashmob is on tomorrow!

(*Not that amazing if you subscribe to the time-space continuum.)

Who wants to help hand out free lollies (you’ll need to be someone I know and trust) and/or short-short stories?

Please bring digital cameras for still photos to send to various media.

I’d like someone to come with a video camera – all flashmobs should be recorded, since they’re basically performance art (although you’ll need to check with parents if you’re filming kids).

How to spot me on the day (eg to check who are the okay people to take lollies from): 175cm in heels, black corset, green lacey wrap, full-length red skirt. Probably shivering (also probably wearing a loose white undershirt). I will be there from about 1:00pm.

I’ll be handing out eyepatches etc to anyone who asks.

See ye on the morrow!

The details:

Lyneham shops (Canberra) outside Tillies and the bookshop.

Be piratical from: 2:00-2:30pm (ideally showing up disguised as a normal person beforehand for maximum effect).

Enjoy lollies, short-short stories, conversation (piratical or otherwise), the bookshop, and the two neighbouring cafes as long as you like!

One example of how it's done
One example of how it's done

I survived Year Five (and also Year Six)

Today I visited a primary school and took over two Year 5/6 classes for about an hour each. I met Aiden, Riley, Andrea, Nathan and many others.

Teaching is a little bit like getting executed and a little bit like having God-like powers. The combination is confusing, to say the least.

The kids were startlingly responsive, and I enjoyed myself. I think they did too. It’ll be interesting to see if any of them start following me on twitter over the next few days (or comment on this!)

I had them write character sheets and story outlines. The influence of “Twilight” was clear by the large numbers of vampires, and of very emo immortals. I had this conversation a few times:

“Your character sounds interesting. So what makes him happy?”


“Does he enjoy anything?”


“So. . . he’s trying to be happy?”

“No. Not really.”


Clearly Edward Cullen, yes?

A lot of the story ideas were BRILLIANT. In one class, we had a character who could fly. Her problems were that (a) She couldn’t stop – even when she slept (b) SHE WAS CONTAGIOUS! (I am definitely stealing that idea.)

In another class, our character had psychokinetic powers (since when do kids know what that word means?) They gave him the problem that whenever he used his powers, he fainted. What a great problem!


Pirates: 1

Ninjas: 0

Oh! I almost forgot! It’s just two days until the pirate flashmob this Saturday.

How to join: show up at the Lyneham shops (outside the second-hand bookshop) at 2:00-2:30pm this Saturday in a pirate outfit (or just show up, and I’ll give ye an eyepatch). Bring your friends!

Why I owe Johnny Depp a favour

This is an email I sent to my sister very very late at night on the third Saturday in September, 2007 (cut for length/sense/name-changing, but otherwise untouched):

I have one regret, and that’s that I didn’t immediately reply to your sms. My brain was too mooshy to form a sentence. I’m sorry.
So, to begin at the end: Have you ever stripped naked and walked into the bathroom to see a bearded face looking back at you? Your own bearded face?
It’s a trifle off putting. Today I was Jack Sparrow. My outfit was AWESOME (see photo).
I amused myself at today’s Earthly Delight’s annual pirate ball by acting totally drunk and lecherous. I took my friend John. It was his first ball, I think, and he brought a bunch of friends (this is an important plot point 🙂 ).
John pointed out one of his friends, called Martin, and said I “had” to meet him. I mixed him up almost immediately with someone completely different (RandomMan), who was obviously ill at ease. Being nice, I went to chat to RandomMan (thinking John wanted me to include him). I walked up, plonked myself down and said, “Hi, I’m Jack, and you’re Martin. I know all things.” He pretty much ignored me (which makes sense now I know I had his name wrong), but there was another complete stranger sitting facing me. I turned to him and said, “Hi, I’m Jack and I know all things. This may come as a shock to you, but your name is Timothy.” He said something like, “Ah, my silly parents. They’re always calling me by the wrong name – Jim.” So I plunged on and said, “It may also surprise you that your father’s a redhead.” From there we went into a wild and ridiculous conversation, for half an hour or more, in which I was Jack Sparrow, and he was a random guy from the same era. We discussed scurvy, wenches, and whether a ship sails faster if it has holes in the sails (like the Black Pearl). It was a brilliant conversation.
Jim’s a guy, I’m a girl.
My mind began to turn, and I wondered whether to bolt. I didn’t.
A dance ended, another began, and he took my hand. He was shaking a tiny bit, but/and I liked the way he held my hand. It was one of those dances where you’re practically in each other’s arms, and I flowed with it. If it hadn’t been for the fact he was almost certainly not a Christian, I would have been all for getting to know him better (he’s taller than me, with green eyes, and isn’t bad to look at). I already knew (due to conversationing) that he was a friend of a friend of John’s, so I thought I’d take John aside and ask outright if Jim was Christian or not – but I didn’t have the guts, so when the dance ended (it was progressive, meaning I wasn’t near Jim at the end, though we laughed heartily at one another’s attempts to remember the dance partway through) I just went and talked to someone else.
The night was almost finished then, and when it was completely finished I went over to John. He and I took some photos, then Jim and his group came up to us. I asked John where he knew them from, thinking it might give me a clue as to whether Jim was Christian or not.
It did.
John knows them all from tuggeranong uniting church!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jim came and stood beside me, and we talked some more (as normal people, not as Jack Sparrow). He’s never been truly drunk (and I was happy to say that neither had I), but has ADD (I wonder if he brought it up to check I was okay with it? Coz I am).
Jim is a southsider, so the usual canberra rule (we’re sure to run into each other – as he himself said on the way out) doesn’t work. I like him. I think he likes me, at least a little (enough to be witty, to be nervous when we danced, and to come up to talk to me afterwards). How awesome would it be if I got together with a guy because of Jack Sparrow!
What red-blooded man could resist?
What red-blooded man could resist?
[end of email]
So Jim and I are married now.
PS for those coming to the pirate flashmob this Saturday at Lyneham shops from 2:00-2:30pm, you may like to bring mascara. It makes a great beard.

Free Short Stories

I already have a group of people who receive free short stories between 50 and 1000 words on the first day of the month. If you’d like to be part of the list (called “Felicitations” after my adult-writing name, Felicity Bloomfield), then email fellissimo[at] with “Felicitations Please” in the subject line.

NOTE: the list is NOT child-safe. If you want only G/PG stories, make sure you say so in the initial email.

Here’s a free sample (G-rated):

NAKED MAN IN THE BUSHES [a true story that happened to my friend]

There’s not much to do in Canberra.

     I walked home from Belconnen Interchange on a Wednesday night. It was ten o’clock, so there were no more buses. Drunk men were everywhere, and they all seemed to be stalking their ex-wives. They talked to contacts on mobiles. ‘Yes, she’s going toward Ginninderra Drive now. See if you can head her off.’

     My concern rose significantly when I noticed an adult male crouching in bushes by the roadside. He was nude.

     I kept my eyes forward and debated whether or not I should call someone. Unable to remember the number for the naked stalker hotline, I walked by on the other side of the road. A second naked man burst from a tree immediately in front of me and sprinted to the traffic island splitting Belconnen Way.

     ‘Marco!’ he yelled.

     ‘Polo!’ came the reply.


[This story was published in the “Short and Twisted” anthology 2007 by Celapene Press]

Pirate How-To Guide

Can you believe the pirate flashmob is happening THIS Saturday? (FYI: At Lyneham shops outside Tillies and the second-hand bookshop, 2:00-2:30pm. Free family event.)

My father-in-law was just panicking over lunch about what he was going to wear (not a conversation we have every day).

I will be bringing a stack of home-made eyepatches, so if you’re desperate – don’t worry. Just show up and find me (175cm with long brown hair and an ankle-length red or green skirt with black-and-white striped socks, plus a black corset with bare shoulders and a lacy green wrap). I will be there from around 1:00pm with a handful of my most faithful minions.

Otherwise, my personal recommendations include:

-bandanna (made out of almost any square of material).

-hat (can be made from any soft black rimmed hat by pinning the rim to the crown in three places – it makes a 3-cornered hat).

-Almost any very very old clothes

-fake scars/beard (mascara makes the best beard – trust me I know).

-anything with a pirate logo on.

-plastic cutlasses and other piratical supplies can be found at almost any toy or costume shop (eg “The Funny Shop”).

I’ll add (and accept) more suggestions as we go!


Speaking of which, here be some more blogs for ye:

NOTE: as far as I know, these are G-rated blogs. But I don’t know much, so enter at your own risk. This lot is mostly agents and publishers.

This is someone I know in the real world. She’s just as interesting here as there.

an agent, bravely using his real (presumably) name online. VERY good articles for writers.

VERY funny

Interview with the main character

The narrator of the twitter tale is Ulandin (chosen as narrator mainly because his name is the longest). He will be telling the story in first person (“I. . . “)

Keep in mind that both Ulandin and “Louise Curtis” are technically fictional – Louise is MOSTLY me, but nicer. And a bit dumber (arguably).

Louise is a writer, so she has a cat. This cat has clearly heard one too many discussions of grammar.
Louise is a writer, so she has a cat. This cat has clearly heard one too many discussions of grammar.


This interview takes place in real time, just before “Tar” happens. “Tar” isn’t required reading. Nor is this – it’s not a story, just a bit of story flotsam.

 Interview with Ulandin, by the author (sort of):

It was a hot day, and everyone seemed to have passed out under the scattered trees. The heat was so thick I swam dreamily along the road, unable to walk quickly.

I found Ulandin under a tree (naturally), fixing a broken oar. He was only sixteen or so, but carried himself as if he was much older. I got the feeling that if he’d seen me coming he’d have hidden – he had the look of someone trying to be invisible. That impression vanished the instant he raised his eyes – striking golden eyes in a brown face.

Louise: Good afternoon.

Ulandin: Ma’am.

Louise: How long have you been working for Master Hinfar?

Ulandin: Since Mum died.

Louise: How old were you then?

Ulandin: Dunno. Don’t remember it.

Louise: So you’re a slave?

Ulandin: Figured that out yourself, did you?

Louise: Are you okay? Are you fed well?

Ulandin: Enough to work.

Louise: How would you describe your life?

Ulandin: Rather not.

Louise: Can I. . . er. . . bribe you or something?

Ulandin: Do you have a boat?

Louise: Um. . . no. I was thinking of food, or money. That kind of thing.

Ulandin: You know what a slave with money is?

Louise: What?

Ulandin: A thief. Then dead.

Louise: Oh. Never mind. But then why did you want a boat?

Ulandin: To be free.

Louise: Oh. I’m so sorry. Is there anyone who can help you – buy your freedom, or something?

Ulandin: Not on this island. Master Hinfar owns everyone, one way or another. Except. . . no. No-one.

Louise: Except who?

Ulandin: The girl who landed on the beach yesterday. She’s not from here. No-one knows where she’s from. Pretty, though – all big eyes and ringlets. But maybe the big eyes were because she was starving – another hour and she’d have died.

Louise: Where is she?

Ulandin: Master Hinfar took her away.

Louise: Will he make her a slave?

Ulandin: I don’t think he can. I don’t think anyone can.

Parental Advisory

This entry is all about child safety.

The first thing to remember is that my “Louise Curtis” pen-name will never write above a PG rating (generally for piratical violence, or it’d be a G rating throughout).

It should also be noted that I am a Christian and one of my characters is faintly based on Jesus (is there any more interesting person in history?) My first priority is to write an excellent story, but if you’re sensitive to religious themes it’s best you know one of the characters may be offensive to you – on a more subtle level than Aslan in the Narnia books.

“Felicity Bloomfield” writes for adults, and doesn’t hold back on topics. For an example, download “Tar”, a short story available at:

This is NOT NOT suitable for children.

I recommend the twittertale for age 10 and up.

Flashmob safety:

The flashmob is an open-invite event, so don’t assume everyone in a pirate person is well-meaning. There will be free (non-nut) lollies, but the peope I know and trust will be carrying my signature. If you email me in advance, I will send you a picture of it (and answer any other questions you have). My email address is fellissimo @ hotmail. com (no spaces).

If you are looking for me at the flashmob (eg for a copy of my signature so you know who to take lollies from), this is what I’ll be wearing:

Long black gloves, black corset, green lacy wrap (bare shoulders), full-length skirt in either dark green or dark red.

I’m also 175cm with long brown hair, so I’m pretty easy to spot (although when I show up I’ll have a baggy jumper over all but the skirt).


And while we’re here, here’s some more blogs I’ve been linking to:

WARNING: Blogs are the property of their writers and might not be G-rated. Most of them look okay to me (with the exception noted), and are rather good because they’re all written by writers.

Making Lemonade 

warning: the above is a crime blog, and is often upsetting.

(‘Hel’ is an abbreviation for ‘Helen’)

GREAT for brand-new twitter users.

GREAT for people (especially writers) who need help sorting out who to follow on twitter.

Free sample

I’ll be tweeting the very first post of the twittertale this Saturday 25 July. (It’s a bit weird calling it a free sample when the whole thing is free, but oh well.)

Harper Collins is within a month of making a decision on one of my novels – the first I ever wrote that had pirates in, in fact.

If I can get famous by the end of July, they’re sure to say yes (the last time they rejected it was only because it lacked a market – not because the writing was lacking. And it’s a LOT better since then, believe me).

So please, join me on twitter. It may mean the difference between a three-book deal and yet another glowing letter telling me how fabulous – but not saleable – I am. Make your housemates/children/pets follow me. use your backup email. Just make me famous, please. . .


“Why are you helping me?”

“Because you inspire terrible pity” –Dollhouse quote.

Real Time Weather

The “novel” will be told in real time – so if the characters are eating lunch, I’ll post that tweet at lunch time.

Whenever I add a tweet to the novel, I’ll check the real-time weather in Jakarta (since my fantasy world is based on Indonesia). So you can check the novel weather, too (because it won’t be mentioned much in the actual tweets…but I’ll know what it is).

Twitter for. . . well, for twits

It is waaaaay easier than I expected.

Go to:

and join from there.

You’ll need a name, an email address, and the ability to invent a password and type in a word verification. That’s it!

It will ask you if you want to follow various celebrities, and my little icon should be on the right-hand-side of your screen.

If it’s not, comment here or write me an email at fellissimo @ hotmail. com (no spaces) telling me your user name.