Tried to reason with the Mums. Big mistake. They were far too busy experimenting with hairstyles to want to hear how to save humanity.
Still not EMO, despite ten parents alternately telling me to (1) cheer up or (2) stop being so shallow now the wedding’s tomorrow. Bite me.
This week’s guest author is Arush, a VERY young author. Enjoy!
Boldilocks and the Mad Scientists
Once upon a time there were two mad scientists. They weren’t the kind of Mad Scientists
that did experiments on people; they were the kind of Mad Scientists that helped people.
They created many things like talking mirrors so if you ever missed a spot while combing
your hair the mirror would tell you, 45 hour deodorant that lasts for 45 hours if you were
doing a marathon and they also created a walking phone in case you left your phone at
But one day they were creating something very special. They were creating Rub On
Hair potion! They had just finished creating the potion but they had to let it cool down for
2 hours before they could drink it, so they decided to go on a very long walk around the
village while the potion cooled down so they put the potion in the refrigerator and then got
their hats on and started their walk.
The same day, there was a young girl walking on the village path, but you wouldn’t be able to tell she was a girl because she had no hair. This made her miserable because people made fun of her and called her names like ‘baldy’ and many other rude things. Her name also made
her very miserable. Her name was Boldilocks.
One day she was feeling very hungry so she decided to go home and get some food.
After a couple of minutes she couldn’t bear it anymore, she saw the mad scientist’s house
and thought that they could give her food there. She knocked on the door. It swung wide
open. She stepped inside.
This is a very unusual house Boldilocks thought as she walked to the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and saw some of the most unusual food ever. Blue eggs, purple drinks and much more unusual things. Well, it’s better than nothing, Boldilocks thought as she took out the eggs and the drink. She sat down and started eating the eggs. The eggs were really slimy but Boldilocks didn’t care because she was so hungry. When she finished the eggs she gulped down the drink. It was very bitter but Boldilocks didn’t care because she was so thirsty. All of a sudden she felt very tired and decided to take a nap in the beds. The beds were all nice and comfy. Boldilocks lay down and instantly fell asleep.
Boldilocks woke up a couple of minutes later from a green blast from the bed. She felt
something softly matted on her head. She got up immediately. What is it? She thought
Feathers? Fluff? Then Boldilocks thought of something else. With her hopes up high
she ran to the mirror. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. “Hair!” Beautiful
golden hair! She was very excited about finally having hair. But then she noticed
something else, something odd. She looked back at the mirror. Her hair was now 2
times the length of what it was 5 seconds ago! Her legs got very itchy so she pulled up her skirt and saw very long strands of hair dangling from her legs, nearly touching the
ground. She started feeling very scared. The hair kept on growing and growing until she
could see nothing.
The Scientists came back from their walk chatting excitedly about their potion. They
came to the front door when it suddenly burst out with a hairy feeling all over the door.
And then the Scientists saw it. Hair hanging out from the windows, tangled around the
trees. There was even hair coming out of the ground. They looked at each other and
thought the same thing: somebody has touched the potion. They couldn’t run inside so
they decided to let the house fall so they could get to the person inside. A couple of
minutes later the house fell down with a huge BOOM.
The Scientists ran as fast as they could to the person, dodging the golden hair strands
shooting out of nowhere. Then they realised that they couldn’t get through so they ran
into what was left of the shed and got out the Hedge trimmers and started cutting the hair.
After a couple of hours they finally managed to get rid of all the hair. They looked down
at the person and saw a young girl with no hair looking up at them guiltily.
“What are you doing in our house?” One of the scientists growled.
“I was Hungry,” Boldilocks said sadly.
“Do you know what you have done? You could have cost us our jobs! If anything bad
happened to you we would have been in serious trouble,” said the scientists.
“I am sorry,” Boldilocks said and was close to tears.
“Calm down,” said one scientist to the other scientists. “Tell me what happened.”
“Well I was hungry so I couldn’t resist coming in and getting food. After that I went upstairs to sleep. Woke up after a couple of minutes when I saw green lights coming out under the bed.”
Both the Scientists smiled.
Boldilock wondered why they were staring at her like that. Then she saw in the mirror her hair was growing. Not again she thought. She waited but nothing happened. She opened her
eyes and saw hair. Luckily this hair was normal like the other girls at school. This made
her very happy and confused at the same time.
“Wha-“ she began but the Scientists
“That bed you were on fixes any problems you have.”
But she was gone by the time they finished talking.
Boldilocks now lives a very good life and is now a very happy girl. Even better is that
nobody calls her Boldilocks anymore. Now she is called Goldilocks.