As of this morning, I have reached my pre-pregnancy weight. Four months to go (if she arrives on time, which only happens in 5% of cases, but oh well). I feel movement every day, but it’s not big enough to reach the outside of my belly yet.
I have good news on the nausea front: It turns out about 20% of my nausea was actually heartburn, which is easily and safely treated with gaviscon. Suddenly I’m much less sick, and the hope of getting off ondansetron/zofran is reignited once more (it’s not an especially plausible hope, but it’s there).
So how’s things on the crazy front?
I have an anxiety disorder (had it for years, and it’s severe enough I can’t do more than about twelve hours of non-writing work in a week), which is a pretty clear disadvantage from the starting gate – but it’s also one I’ve claimed as an advantage, since I’m used to my mind and body telling me things that aren’t true.
I’m very anxious about the nausea, particularly about throwing up without warning. As far as anxiety triggers go, this is about 70% rational. Things that have triggered vomit include walking across a room (due to feeling better), coughing, sipping water, having a shower, and cleaning my teeth. I’ve thrown up at every possible time of day, and not just in first trimester.
So yes, I’m anxious about the nausea. That makes rational sense.
I’m not anxious about Louisette. I was anxious about the effects of the medicine, but not any more. Apart from anything else, intense nausea is considered a good sign for baby health – it’s abundantly clear every hour that my body is doing its thing. Now I have daily movement as well.
I’m less functional than usual (maximum four hours of paid work a week) but I’m actually less anxious than usual. I think there’s something about the nausea that just dampens all my emotions – and I’m fine with that. It helps pass the time. Plus I’m so pleased that we were able to conceive.
I have found, ever since CJ and I began trying for a baby, that some of my obsessive-compulsive fidgets are much more pronounced. The OCD part of my anxiety is a very small part, and although it’s irritating for me personally, I don’t think it’s at the stage where everyone around me has to join in or I can’t function (which would be so annoying for me and for them).
If something does make me feel anxious, it also makes me nauseous – so I’m steering clear of books and TV that are the slightest bit scary or gross. That’s quite annoying, but certainly survivable.
Our finances aren’t great, but they’re okay. I’m a bit anxious about the social obligations of the baby shower, but I feel a lot better having taken certain friends aside and told them to buy me certain dull-but-vital baby items.
I’m not anxious about labor yet – I expect I’ll be fine until January, then anxious (more about getting naked than about pain – mine is a predominantly social anxiety disorder), and then labor itself will be similar to anyone else’s experience.
Here is the bassinet I’ve been lent, as modelled by the adorable one-year old punk (the mohawk was non-deliberate) who has long since grown out of it.