Why I owe Johnny Depp a favour

This is an email I sent to my sister very very late at night on the third Saturday in September, 2007 (cut for length/sense/name-changing, but otherwise untouched):

I have one regret, and that’s that I didn’t immediately reply to your sms. My brain was too mooshy to form a sentence. I’m sorry.
So, to begin at the end: Have you ever stripped naked and walked into the bathroom to see a bearded face looking back at you? Your own bearded face?
It’s a trifle off putting. Today I was Jack Sparrow. My outfit was AWESOME (see photo).
I amused myself at today’s Earthly Delight’s annual pirate ball by acting totally drunk and lecherous. I took my friend John. It was his first ball, I think, and he brought a bunch of friends (this is an important plot point 🙂 ).
John pointed out one of his friends, called Martin, and said I “had” to meet him. I mixed him up almost immediately with someone completely different (RandomMan), who was obviously ill at ease. Being nice, I went to chat to RandomMan (thinking John wanted me to include him). I walked up, plonked myself down and said, “Hi, I’m Jack, and you’re Martin. I know all things.” He pretty much ignored me (which makes sense now I know I had his name wrong), but there was another complete stranger sitting facing me. I turned to him and said, “Hi, I’m Jack and I know all things. This may come as a shock to you, but your name is Timothy.” He said something like, “Ah, my silly parents. They’re always calling me by the wrong name – Jim.” So I plunged on and said, “It may also surprise you that your father’s a redhead.” From there we went into a wild and ridiculous conversation, for half an hour or more, in which I was Jack Sparrow, and he was a random guy from the same era. We discussed scurvy, wenches, and whether a ship sails faster if it has holes in the sails (like the Black Pearl). It was a brilliant conversation.
Jim’s a guy, I’m a girl.
My mind began to turn, and I wondered whether to bolt. I didn’t.
A dance ended, another began, and he took my hand. He was shaking a tiny bit, but/and I liked the way he held my hand. It was one of those dances where you’re practically in each other’s arms, and I flowed with it. If it hadn’t been for the fact he was almost certainly not a Christian, I would have been all for getting to know him better (he’s taller than me, with green eyes, and isn’t bad to look at). I already knew (due to conversationing) that he was a friend of a friend of John’s, so I thought I’d take John aside and ask outright if Jim was Christian or not – but I didn’t have the guts, so when the dance ended (it was progressive, meaning I wasn’t near Jim at the end, though we laughed heartily at one another’s attempts to remember the dance partway through) I just went and talked to someone else.
The night was almost finished then, and when it was completely finished I went over to John. He and I took some photos, then Jim and his group came up to us. I asked John where he knew them from, thinking it might give me a clue as to whether Jim was Christian or not.
It did.
John knows them all from tuggeranong uniting church!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jim came and stood beside me, and we talked some more (as normal people, not as Jack Sparrow). He’s never been truly drunk (and I was happy to say that neither had I), but has ADD (I wonder if he brought it up to check I was okay with it? Coz I am).
Jim is a southsider, so the usual canberra rule (we’re sure to run into each other – as he himself said on the way out) doesn’t work. I like him. I think he likes me, at least a little (enough to be witty, to be nervous when we danced, and to come up to talk to me afterwards). How awesome would it be if I got together with a guy because of Jack Sparrow!
What red-blooded man could resist?
What red-blooded man could resist?
[end of email]
So Jim and I are married now.
PS for those coming to the pirate flashmob this Saturday at Lyneham shops from 2:00-2:30pm, you may like to bring mascara. It makes a great beard.

Published by Felicity Banks Books

I write books (mainly adventure fantasy for kids and young adults), real-time twittertales, and a blog of Daily Awesomeness. @Louise_Curtis_ and http://twittertales.wordpress.com. My fantasy ebook is on sale at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/278981.

2 thoughts on “Why I owe Johnny Depp a favour

  1. “Have you ever stripped naked and walked into the bathroom to see a bearded face looking back at you? Your own bearded face?”
    Yep. Yep, I have.

  2. You have to be the first woman I’ve met who scored a man while wearing a beard. Girl, that’s brave.

    Congratulations on meeting ‘the one’ and marrying him! Have fun at that pirate thing this weekend.


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