For the Man who has Everything
Sat 23 Jan
My beautiful new wife gave me the “Genuine Castaway Experience For The Man Who Has Everything But Happiness.” It’s so peaceful here!
Why won’t the monkeys stop screaming? I’m reminded of the days when I was still allowed to see my grandkids. Bad memories, as I now recall.
Drank fermented coconut milk and passed out. When I awoke and threw up, I knew I didn’t miss my youth after all. Epiphany after epiphany!
Sun 24 Jan
The “Genuine Castaway Experience” has given me a deep new gratitude for my life – especially coffee and my iphone.
Very glad the “Genuine Castaway Experience For The Man Who Has Everything But Happiness” only lasts three days. Food poisoning continues.
One more night with the monkey screams and belly cramps. My new wife’s very savvy for a twenty year old. After this, work will be heaven.
Mon 25 Jan
Too thirsty to sleep. Where’s my chopper? Stupid wind sounds just like helicopter blades.
Soon it’ll get dark. Did I count the days wrong? Mouth is dry as sand. Too weak to throw rocks at monkeys. Beginning to get less grateful.
“GENUINE Castaway Experience” they said. But they didn’t mean. . . they wouldn’t. . . would they? Poor Anna must be terrified for me.
Tue 26 Jan
Made an iphone out of coconuts. Called Anna for long talk. Felt much better until I realised I’d hallucinated the whole thing.
Anna will sort this out. She’s a smart girl. The blonde’s artificial, anyway. She’ll give that company what for!
My stubble itches.
Drank more coconut milk. Threw it up at once. Still better than the yellow choking bile of this morning. Legs covered in bug bites.
Wed 27 Jan
Tried to build a raft. Arms don’t work. Need a lie down, and a nice massage. Monkeys getting braver, and gnashing their teeth right at me.
Seawater isn’t like coffee at all.
Th 28 Jan
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