S#59: Otherwise Known As. . .

Steff Metal (http://steffmetal.com/101-ways-to-cheer-yourself-up/) said:

Decide on new nicknames for all of your friends. Send them a text or email to let them know their new nickname, and call them that from now on. The more outrageous the nicknames, the better.

I have had many nicknames over the years: Scopes, Steffocles, Double F, Squints, Blinkin’, Blinkie Bill (I detest this), Steffy, Steffy-waffles, Titi, Dozer and Beaker (those last two gens are from my husband. Such a caring fellow.)

Nicknames make a person feel loved, like they’ve reached a new level of intimacy with you.

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So! *rolls up sleeves with evil grin* here’s the new names of all the friends featured in yesterday’s entry.

First, Ben (who was behind the camera as usual): Ben is called “Matrix Ben” after an incident with another friend. This other friend (who I’ll call Sunny, because he is) is very very happy, very huggy, and very extraverted. I once heard a conversation in which someone asked what he was like to live with, and received the reply, “Well. . . he’s naked a lot.”

He sat next to Ben one day on a rather small couch and leaned in for a hug (or quite possibly a kiss). Ben cringed back, and at the same time – through some amazing contortion – placed his sneakered foot between Sunny’s face and his own. I still don’t know how his foot got there, let alone how it got there instantaneously.

Since this move was clearly impossible in this reality, Ben is now dubbed Matrix Ben.

W has a name that he regularly finds in romance novels (seriously), so I’m just leaving that one alone. (I should note for the record that he doesn’t find it by reading said romance novels, but by other people telling him about it.)

The girl who isn’t me is quite clearly a ninja, based on my observations. She is the quietest person I’ve ever met (despite appearances in the video). Therefore, I’m giving her a ninja nickname. This is it:

Didn’t see anything? That’s because the nickname is BEHIND YOU!!

The other darkly bearded fellow shares a first name with my partner, CJ. This causes endless confusion as I find it quite easy to tell when I’m talking to my husband and when I’m talking to the other one. But no-one else does. So yesterday I began referring to them as “the one I’ve seen naked” and “the one I haven’t seen naked”. Therefore, CJ is now called “Naked”. You would think that “the other one” could then be referred to by his own name. But no. It doesn’t work like that.

Last night, W addressed a cupcake in rather affectionate terms just before eating it. “The other one” was directly in front of him, and said, “Why thank you.” At that moment, he became “Cupcake”.

I tested out the new nickname in the supermarket later, when Cupcake was walking away. From a distance of about twenty metres, he stopped in his tracks, turned around, and said, “Yes?”

Nickname test: successful.

Leaving aside those in the video, my pregnant sister is now called Bigbelly, as an honorary pregnancy name. (You’re Welcome.)

So, all of the video people are accounted for except one. Me.

Go on, make me a nickname. I dare you. You can base it on Louise Curtis, Felicity Bloomfield (my less child-safe alter ego) or some wacky feature of my personality or appearance. Or just make something up from thin air. This is the easiest “play along at home” ever. Don’t be shy!