That’s not a poo-splosion, THIS is a poo-splosion!

I rarely use exclamation marks. This one is, believe me, deserved. Time for a daily awesomeness that uses the OTHER meaning of “awesome”.

Alternate title: The Bum-Gun.

Picture the scene: It’s 5:00am and all is quiet except for a stirring infant and her mother; a woman light-headed and blurry from lack of sleep. It’s time for a feed and – judging by the smell – a nappy change.

The mother cuddles the infant and places her on the change table. She skillfully scoops up a very full load of nappy without letting it spill and stain the baby’s clothes or wrap. She drops it in the nappy bin and reaches for the wipes with a smirk of self-congratulation.

That’s when it happens.

Pow! Blam! Squirt!

A stream of liquid poo shoots up (yes, up) and out (yes, out) at a 45 degree angle (yes, a 45 degree angle) hitting the mother’s hair and spraying across the carpet and furniture.

The mother emits an inarticulate noise of shock and awe. She freezes, thinking, “Did that just happen?”

It did. Oh yes, it did. There is no mistaking the angle of attack: The evidence lies, warm and pungent, half a metre above the scene of the crime. In my hair. So much for gravity.

Five centimetres to the left, and I’d have copped it in the mouth.

Is this the face that conceals a startling secret weapon?

It is. Oh yes, it is.

Published by Felicity Banks

I write books (mainly adventure fantasy for kids and young adults), real-time twittertales, and a blog of Daily Awesomeness. @Louise_Curtis_ and http://twittertales.wordpress.com. My fantasy ebook is on sale at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/278981.

8 thoughts on “That’s not a poo-splosion, THIS is a poo-splosion!

  1. I can laugh, can’t I, even though I’m not a mother?

    Important: was the bookcase (and the books) safe?

    1. W: Luckily the books are behind her – but I was so right to put a plastic cover over CJ’s precious graphic novels. Girl Genius, Fables etc would not have appreciated Louisette’s talents.

      1. This blog is going to be a goldmine of embarrassing stories for Louisette one day.

      2. W: Hopefully this one will be hidden. I’m carefully avoiding the classic nudie shots everyone seems to take of their baby.

  2. Eep!
    I expect attacks from little boys, but not that end of either boys or girl – at least not when it fires across the room…. Poor Mother Louise 🙁

  3. Eeeewwwwww!!!!!!!!!!! That is so gross!!!! I’ve been peed on by my baby cousin, trying to change his nappy, and I’ve seen my nonna get vomited on because she was holding my other cousin above her head (never a smart idea), but your baby defies gravity! I am fearful!

    1. Bonnee: I hadn’t heard of this phenomenon until it happened. Since then, I’ve found out that all babies do it – it’s just a matter of luck and timing that not every parent experiences it.

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